It's been so long and it's amazing how much life can change so quickly! I miss blogging, but my internet time is very limited these days. There are so many priorities for me and often time sleep and crashing on the couch win out. I do want to reconnect and maintain my place in the internet world, but all in due time.
So I went back to work in November and I am the HR Director at a community health center. It's really been so good to be back using the HR person that is in me. I definitely feel blessed to have found my calling and my gift and truly enjoy what I do - even on the hard days.
I had a clear push from the Lord to go back to work - so I cannot question that this is where I am supposed to be right now. The doors opened at the right time for our family - particularly when this ugly recession started to rear it's head. Matt has a wonderful job too, but we are being cautious and taking the road we have been pointed to.
It has been a pretty smooth transition for us...and as time and decisions have moved forward it has gone as best as possible! Sam is at a wonderful school 3 days a week and gets to spend 2 days a week with his G-ma. He loves each and every day he gets at both places and it feels so good to see him enjoy his special moments in each environment. When he's with G-ma I know he's getting lots of love, attention and basically whatever he wants! And the days he's at school he's learning so much and socializing with other kids. It's been so good.
Do I miss him? Terribly. I miss him. I miss the light of my home and folding laundry in the middle of the day while it's raining. There are lots of things I miss. But there were lots of things I missed about my career that I thought about during my time at home too.
Women definitely have a unique perspective when it comes to the areas of work and home. I feel pretty unique to have experienced both thus far. I don't think one is far superior than the other. I just think that people's place in life is different. So here's my thoughts:
If I had to stand on a soap box and shout my opinions thus far, I would say that one has emerged strongly within me: Since when is staying at home a right? I say this because I feel like some women view it as their husband's responsibility to work one, even two jobs so they can be home with the children. If anyone is listening - know this: being with your children all day is a privilege and not a right. A privilege to enjoy those moments. An economically-based privilege. Not all women of the world get to spend their days with their children...and certainly not all American women.
And about the issue of who works harder? Please! They are BOTH tough. Just in different ways. There are indulgences at home. They are indulgences at work. Each has their own unique challenge.
For now I feel really good about where I am. I have been blessed with a beautiful little boy from the Lord. He has given me a great deal of responsibility in that gift. First and foremost is nurturing him with love, security, food and shelter. Matt and I are a team and as a team we are facing that responsibility together. To be honest, it feels really good to contribute to the family financially and offer some level of security to our family unit during tough economic times. The world is a scary place these days - and we definitely have reason for caution when it comes to job security.
I have faith. The Lord provides. But your prayers have to have feet. Sure, faith that the Lord will provide is essential. But that's just the starting point. He gives hands, feet, and ability to walk forward in faith - not sit by and expect him to just do what we ask. We are doing just that and know that in the end, things will be OK.
By the way, if you are ever tempted to judge a woman for her choice of staying at home or working you just have to read this book: Mommy Wars. It's an amazing compilation of stories that will make you laugh and cry. It's written by women on both sides - and a beautiful reference whenever you feel strongly on one side or the other. :)
One more thing I just have to say to Christian moms out there. PLEASE remember that being a Godly wife and mother does not equal "I stay home with my children." There is nothing that burns me up more than someone telling me that it's the "Godly" thing to do. I simply cannot find a biblical reference that tells me that. I do know that we are to honor our husbands and I hope that my husband feels honored by my being receptive to his request that I return to work for the future security of my family.
(stepping off of my soap box now)
3 comments:
Hi!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and ideas and views of the "modern day women". I agree with you 100%. The bible says that the wife is a helper of the man. You were blessed to be able to stay home with your little boy for almost 2 years. Though my desires in the past were to be a stay at home mom, circumstances didn't allow it. But I never pressured my husband to work two jobs so that I could stay home. This was a mutual agreement. If he had to work two jobs, then his relationship with his kids would be jeopardized. I couldn't do that to him or to the kiddos. I'm glad that work is going well for you. Though it's not easy to leave the little one, it is a blessing when you enjoy what you do. It simplifies it a bit. Again, thanks for sharing your thoughts and opinions. They are greatly appreciated and respected (at least on my end).
Great post! I should forward it on to a couple of women that I know.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
"It's been so long and it's amazing how much life can change so quickly! I miss blogging, but my internet time is very limited these days. There are so many priorities for me and often time sleep and crashing on the couch win out. I do want to reconnect and maintain my place in the internet world, but all in due time."
Good grief is that ever true. It seems like such a short time ago that we didn't have any kids and it is amazing to think how different life is now. So much more to do, so many other things to take care of. And looking further back, it wasn't all that long ago that I was in college, and I used to think I was busy back then, but I guess I didn't know much about real life at that point, because that was nothing compared to working, keeping up a house, and keeping up with a family. As they say, the only thing we can count on is change, and it surely comes more quickly than we expect.
"So I went back to work in November and I am the HR Director at a community health center. It's really been so good to be back using the HR person that is in me. I definitely feel blessed to have found my calling and my gift and truly enjoy what I do - even on the hard days."
It seems to me that the hard days are when you really see in stark contrast if you are where you are supposed to be or not. If you are walking in God's direction, he gives you the strength to persevere, and if it is something you are just doing on your own, well, then the hard days are unbearably hard. I think it's a great blessing that you have found a job where you can use the gifts that God has given you and where you even find enjoyment in it. So very many people are not blessed to be in that situation.
"I had a clear push from the Lord to go back to work - so I cannot question that this is where I am supposed to be right now. The doors opened at the right time for our family - particularly when this ugly recession started to rear it's head. Matt has a wonderful job too, but we are being cautious and taking the road we have been pointed to."
I don't know the whole story, but from the small pieces I have heard from Matt, it definitely seems like the Lord orchestrated this job for you exactly when it was needed, despite the dire situation in the economy. When he calls us to something, he makes a way for us, and he did that for you with this job, no doubt.
"It has been a pretty smooth transition for us...and as time and decisions have moved forward it has gone as best as possible! Sam is at a wonderful school 3 days a week and gets to spend 2 days a week with his G-ma. He loves each and every day he gets at both places and it feels so good to see him enjoy his special moments in each environment. When he's with G-ma I know he's getting lots of love, attention and basically whatever he wants! And the days he's at school he's learning so much and socializing with other kids. It's been so good."
It's amazing how much our kids thrive on interaction with other kids. I love seeing how my daughter has grown being in preschool, in many ways that could not have happened at home. When I get home from work each school day evening she tells me all about her friends, who was there that day and what they did on the playground and all of that. And even in the simple things like seeing different lunches that people bring and how different kids do their art projects, seeing what kids bring for show and tell, it's neat to see her discovering that there are so many beautiful differences out in the world, and that God makes all of us unique. Having time at home with our family is great, yes, but it's also valuable to discover that the world is not homogenous, and that the differences are something we can enjoy. With my daughter's school being one of the least expensive preschools in the area, it actually draws a much wider range of kids than she sees on a Sunday morning in Sunday school. I am glad for the diversity in her school.
"Do I miss him? Terribly. I miss him. I miss the light of my home and folding laundry in the middle of the day while it's raining. There are lots of things I miss. But there were lots of things I missed about my career that I thought about during my time at home too."
I guarantee you that if I had to stay at home for a period of time I would go crazy. I would miss so much about work and even though I know I would be working around the house, I guess, there is still something about the productivity at work that I would miss. I mean, I know that working around the house is hard work and is certainly productive, but for some reason it feels different to me than the workplace. Maybe it's just the way I have been brought up in the culture, I don't know. But I'd miss the deadlines and the rushes to get a project complete and the meetings and the conversations with co-workers and all of that. And at the same time, when my son or daughter does something funny at home during the day that my wife tells me about, sometimes I'm sad that I missed it. I would guess that for both men and women, it's difficult in different ways in either situation. I've admired how you have been able to be in the workplace, then stay home with your son, and then transition back to the workplace. Those are monstrously big transitions that can be really difficult for people (and I would guess they are at times for you, too), but you seem to have made them so well.
"Women definitely have a unique perspective when it comes to the areas of work and home. I feel pretty unique to have experienced both thus far. I don't think one is far superior than the other. I just think that people's place in life is different. So here's my thoughts:"
Not being a woman, I probably don't have the same perspective that you do. But here we go all the same...
"If I had to stand on a soap box and shout my opinions thus far, I would say that one has emerged strongly within me: Since when is staying at home a right? I say this because I feel like some women view it as their husband's responsibility to work one, even two jobs so they can be home with the children. If anyone is listening - know this: being with your children all day is a privilege and not a right. A privilege to enjoy those moments. An economically-based privilege. Not all women of the world get to spend their days with their children...and certainly not all American women."
I 100% agree that staying at home is a privilege and not a right, but I would actually take it one step further. I believe that staying at home is both a privilege and a calling (as is the workplace). Even if one marriage partner has a great job and the other partner then has the ability and privilege to stay at home with the kids, I don't believe that staying home is the "default" correct choice. The correct choice is what God calls you to do. Staying at home is hard, but if God calls you to that, he will carry you through it. Likewise, going to the workplace is hard, but God will give you the strength if that is what he calls you to do. But stay at home just because you can do it financially when you are called to the workplace? I think you would end up being discontent at home. By the same token, if you are called to stay home but go the workplace instead, I think you would find difficulty there, even if staying home would mean sacrificing other things due to reduced income. And I also think it is important to note that a calling can be for a season. Perhaps you were called to stay home with young children, but that does not automatically mean you are called to stay home until the children turn 18 and leave the house. It just means that for that season you were called to stay home, and you can rest in that in the moment, but things change, and where God wants us to be changes, and if he calls you to another place, you need to listen and follow wherever that leads.
"And about the issue of who works harder? Please! They are BOTH tough. Just in different ways. There are indulgences at home. They are indulgences at work. Each has their own unique challenge."
Agreed. What more is there to say about this? Can we even go so far as to say that this extends beyond home versus work? Is it not true that all life circumstances have their challenges and indulgences? It's impossible to say what other experience unless you have been their yourself, so give the benefit of the doubt.
"For now I feel really good about where I am. I have been blessed with a beautiful little boy from the Lord. He has given me a great deal of responsibility in that gift. First and foremost is nurturing him with love, security, food and shelter. Matt and I are a team and as a team we are facing that responsibility together. To be honest, it feels really good to contribute to the family financially and offer some level of security to our family unit during tough economic times. The world is a scary place these days - and we definitely have reason for caution when it comes to job security."
I think it is awesome that you feel good about the place you are right now. If God has called you there, do not let others put you down or question your decision. Rest in his call and continue in his path in his strength.
"I have faith. The Lord provides. But your prayers have to have feet. Sure, faith that the Lord will provide is essential. But that's just the starting point. He gives hands, feet, and ability to walk forward in faith - not sit by and expect him to just do what we ask. We are doing just that and know that in the end, things will be OK."
I may not 100% agree with every last thought here that way you have stated it, but I think I can see where you are coming from. I think the key is that prayer is not just asking. It is asking and listening, and when you listen and he gives direction, you need to follow that.
"By the way, if you are ever tempted to judge a woman for her choice of staying at home or working you just have to read this book: Mommy Wars. It's an amazing compilation of stories that will make you laugh and cry. It's written by women on both sides - and a beautiful reference whenever you feel strongly on one side or the other. :)"
I haven't read the book, but it sounds interesting. I just downloaded the sample to my Kindle to check it out.
"One more thing I just have to say to Christian moms out there. PLEASE remember that being a Godly wife and mother does not equal "I stay home with my children." There is nothing that burns me up more than someone telling me that it's the "Godly" thing to do. I simply cannot find a biblical reference that tells me that. I do know that we are to honor our husbands and I hope that my husband feels honored by my being receptive to his request that I return to work for the future security of my family."
As stated above, and not just for wives, a Godly life means following God where he calls you. That might be home with your kids, or it might be to the workplace, but the important thing is that you obey and follow. And I don't think you can necessarily tell from the outside where God is leading someone else. The dangerous thing is thinking that what God is leading you to do must be the same thing that he is leading someone else to do.
Thanks for posting about the transition you have been walking through. I appreciate your honesty and willingess to share.
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